Song of Psychology

I came and went through all the emotions!


Once a time love entered, once hatred; Once compassion, once apathy!!
I realised and realised what is this?!


Now, I see I am controlled. All the traits just passes through me.
I observed and observed all the behaviours!


There were attitudes, which comforts me and which are uncomfortable!
I analysed and analysed this behaviour.


Now I see all are equal. All are comforting.
I searched and searched for who created it?


Now I am unfolding! I am realising myself. J

Vow! Nature, you are an amazing teacher !!

We were born with relatives but can at least choose our friends.!!

Two of my friends Paavani and Rithesh (names are changed) have become good friends who were just college-mates until recently. Rithesh didn't know that I and Paavani were friends since long. He introduced me to her on a reason after which me and Paavani knew he is introducing those who are acquainted each other and told the same to him. Rithesh is a good and helping kind of person which Paavani has also realized it.

Paavani, recently one day called me to inform about her joining to a new job. There was another comic instance to tell me along that!!

Rithesh’s sister was her colleague and she has several times altercated with her. Paavani once while talking to Rithesh has shared about her office and her work, then suddenly Rithesh asked about a person who also works there without mentioning it is his sibling. Paavani who disliked that person described the adversity of his sister. When he let Paavani know that she is his sister, she got stunned. She felt abashed for she scolded his sister right in front of him and has quarreled with a person whose brother is her friend whom she considers as a good person.

Then she called me who am a common friend to both to share all these. She told me “Kousalya, his sister is an arrogant, hoyden and harsh person, exact opposite to what wehave seen in Rithesh and I have had clashes with her in office. And now I got to know she is Rithesh’s sister which is embarrassing me.”

She continued“I won’t easily make friends, but I felt somehow Rithesh is a good person and started talking to him. How is Rithesh?? Is he really patient and helping as much as he looks to be?? When I think of his sister, I cannot believe he is her brother, you tell me Kousalya that am I with a good friend as you know him more than me.”

The scene of her complaining to Rithesh on his sister without the knowledge of them as siblings looked humorous to me, I started laughing at it. If joining a new job is good news, knowing that she has a friend whose sister is insulted in front of him is a bad cum comic news. As I knew Rithesh well, I told her “Don’t worry that it all happens. Don’t suspect your friend; it is common that two from a single family need not be the same. As far I know, Rithesh is a very good person anybody can ever meet. He has helped many people and very understanding.He wouldn't have mind for all you told about his sister”

We both continued to laugh for what has happened and finished the conversation.

I thought to myself “Paavani was feeling embarrassed at her talks with her friend and Rithesh might also have felt disgraced for his sister has not maintained good relation with his friend.

I remembered the lines I read in a book “I was born with relatives, but can at least chose my friends”.

Then I could think of the time when my idealistic, logical and rational behavior created conflict with my ritualistic relatives. Everyone will have such situations in their family and even with friends. Former is chosen by nature and the latter we can choose. Finally everybody is for us, we choose among them, we make friendship with whom we like and be away from those we dislike. But still I would say everybody around us is made for us.

It may not be possible to change everyone for you, but you can choose to change anyone provided the change is positive always.

“To cover the whole muddy earth with mat is inaccessible, rather what we can do is to make chappals for our feet to avoid the dirt sticking on us and also try to stitch for those whoever you can irrespective of anyone on this earth.”

Tension Vs Responsibilities

Recently one of my colleagues asked me how we are always got on to the tension. I replied "what tension you have?" See when I was child, there were tension of studies, later the tension for job, after job getting married!! then the responsibility of the family, one after the other keeps coming. Life is full of tension.

That reminded me a conversation between me and my little cousin few years back. It was a festive occasion in our home. All elders were busy in preparing the varieties of food. I am as usual, though little elder had to get along the children who are mostly my cousins. My five year old cousin asked me “ Akka what do you want to become after you grow adult ?”. I said I will become engineer as it was sure for me then to become an engineer. I asked her back “ what you want to become?” It surprises anybody to hear that. She said “I want to become “ Amma (Mother).”

“Dear, now you should not say that, it gives a different meaning. You may become amma but you must say that you would become a teacher, doctor and some profession you want to live upon” I tried to make her understand. She did not agree but keep on saying “No, no I want to become mother.” She was too little to understand my technical words, she ignored whatever I told and ran to my mother saying “ I will ask Doddama (Aunt) what if I become mother after I am grown up.” This instance was made a comedy later to mock at her every time when we check what everybody wants to become after they grown up. We break into laughter whenever we speak of this.

We can understand that she had made a comparison between her mother and herself. She had made an observation that her mother supervises her studies and shows authority on her and everything in the house. She might even have observed other cousins and their mothers and everywhere it was same. “Amma looks to be happy and bossy kind. Its only we children who takes tensions of huge studies, homework, parent signature, exams, marks and so on.” So she analysed and thought it’s better to become Amma which is a tensionless profession and that position is respected and reputed a lot.

This case clarifies that such thinking can be done only by kids who are not aware of the life completely. If anybody thinks responsibilities makes tension, it only means that they need to work hard to gain experience. It is left to us to consider any task as either responsibility or tension. Elastic becomes flexible only after stress is applied.

In fact nothing gives us tension. It is we who take it as tension. Life is after all a series of continuous ups and downs. It is we who decides to be consistent with it. Let us not vary along the life. Having an attitude of being conscious of the fact that nothing worse can happen will make us strong. We should not let the life to control us, but we should control the life.

For a righteous, strong, non-greedy person nothing can be a tension. Live in the present. Take responsibilities as responsibilities, not as tension. Tension should not be the function of responsibility. Responsibilities should only make one matured, respectable and strong like a responsible Mother who is tensionless.

“ Tension is created when you expect and compare to others and relaxation is created when you accept and live along that.”

Justify thoughts before you believe it.. A story!! Courtesy to Tolstoy

Once there was a group of Men travelling from India to China through English Channel and on the way they stopped at the Island of Sumatra for fresh water.

As they sat a blind man approached them. Later they found he has gone blind from gazing for long and too persistently at Sun,trying to find what it is in order to seize its light.

He strove long to accomplish this, staring the sun for long, but final result was  that he lost his both eyes and became blind.

Blind man asked Light cannot be liquid, if so it could be poured from one vessel to vessel, it could be flown like water, like the wind. It is not fire, for if it were fire water would extinguish it. It can not be spirit as it is visible. So what is light?? It is not liquid, nor solid, neither fire nor spirit. It is nothing!!

Then a slave came along this blind man, placed his master in the shade and picked up a coconut shell from the ground and started making it into the night light. He twisted a fiber from the coconut, squeezed oil from the nut shell and soaked the wick in it.

As the slave start doing it, blind man sighed and said to him…

Was I not right when I told you there is no Sun..Don’t you see how dark is it, yet people don’t believe it, If so what it is??

Slave says I don’t know what the sun is. That is no business of mine. But I know what light is. Here I have made night light which helps me serve you and find anything I want in the hut.

Slave picked up the coconut and said this is my sun.

A lame man with crutches sitting nearby heard these words and laughed.

He went near the blind man and said, you evidently being blind all life not to know what the sun is. I will tell what it is!! Sun is a fire ball which rises every morning out of sea and which goes down among the mountains of our Island every evening. We all have seen this; if you had your eyesight, you too would have seen it.

A fisherman who had been listening to the conversation, said- It is plain enough that you were never out of your Island,if you were not lame, if you had been out as I have been in fishing boat, you too might have seen it. Sun does not set among mountains of our Island, as it rises out of ocean so it sets down in the sea every night. What I am telling is all true, for I see it every day with my own eyes.

Then an Indian priest of our party interrupted and said,

I am astonished that a reasonable man talks such nonsense. How can a ball of fire descends into the water and not extinguished.The Sun is not at all a ball of fire. It is the diety named Suryadeva who rides in a chariot round the golden mountain Meru. Sometimes the evil serpents Rahu and Ketu attacks Deva and swallows him. Then the earth goes dark. And our priest pray for him, may be he is released and then he is set free. Only such ignorant man like you who have never been beyond your island can imagine that sun shines in their country alone.

The master of Egyptian vessel said in return, No you are also wrong, Sun does not only raises in India and rounds only Golden Mountain.  I have sailed much on the black sea and every coast of Arabia. Sun is seen everywhere, Sun raises far in the east beyond the isles of Japan, and sets far, far away in the west beyond the islands of England. That is why the Japanese call their country Nippon, the birth place of Sun. I know this well, for I have seen myself much and heard more from my grandfather who has sailed every corner of sea.

Then another man stopped and said “There is no country where the Sun raises or Sun sets, but in England people believe sun rotates around the earth. English are sure of this as they have been around the world and they have seen sun everywhere rises in the morning and sets at night.

I’ll explain you in detail that how suns moves on heaven and goes around the world.  And found unable to explain, pointing at the ships pilot he said..

This man knows more about it than I. He can explain it properly...

Pilot who was an intelligent had listened to the talk silently till he was asked to speak. Now everyone turned to him and he said:

"You are all misleading one another and are deceived yourself.  Sun does not go around the earth, but earth revolves around the sun. Revolving as it goes turning towards the sun in the course of each 24 hours, not only Japan, and the Philippines,Sumatra where we are now, but Africa, America and many lands besides. Sun doesn't shine for someone mountain or for someone island or for someone sea or for even just earth but other planets as well as our earth. If you look up at only heavens and not the ground beneath your feet you would understand sun shines not only your country." Thus concludes.

This story gives us many messages for our life. When you are to know, make sure you are guided correctly. Critical thinking gives right knowledge. Justify your thoughts and even that of others with your own common sense before you consider it right.

Give up the ego, form your superego. It is pride that causes error in your analysis and discords among men. As with the Sun it is with every concept. 

 

In the sky there is no distinction of east and west,people create distinction out of their own minds and believe them to be true –Lord Buddha.

Be the eco-friendly women!!

Few months back, we had cleaning activity in Srinagar, Banashankari 2nd stage government School as a part of Green club initiated by youth for seva. We had to take the students around the school to pick up all kind of wastes and clean the premises. Since there were so many students, we didn't have enough glouse to provide everyone, we decided to use hand wash after all the work. The work started, students were divided based on work and lead by individual volunteers, but later we found that we cannot continue the waste collection for certain category of waste with those small kids!! And we stopped this at certain places despite having hand wash to remove the dirt.

Can you guess what kind of waste that would be!!??

None of us could have concerned of it except those who have really experienced finding that waste piece of non-bio degradable material on road sides.

That is the disposable sanitary napkins used by all adult women!! Our team was concerned to get this touched by small kids.

The safe solution for the disposal of this waste is to burn completely. Most of us would dump it to the municipality vehicle or throw it in the areas where we consider the waste would be collected by corporation people. If it gets disposed safely that would be fine, if not this is a threat. The menstrual blood stuck on them becomes bed and butter to microbes. And those which gets on to the landfilling and reaches the mud in the road side could become the palace for bacteria and viruses. Contagious diseases are easily born and spread. It was more considerable fact when we found it in the school premises.

Approximately half the population of world are women. Two-third of them certainly uses disposable sanitary napkins. On an average if they use 4 napkins each month, 48 per year and 480 per decade. Chances of around 2000 napkins are used by each woman in her life time. Think of the whole women population generating this impossible waste. There can around 560 thousand tons of napkins getting added to the total non-decomposable waste every year. If it is burnt out, the air is polluted, ash generated, otherwise soil is polluted and the health of many living beings is also polluted.

What can be the remedy?

Use washable cloth napkins. We would have seen our mothers and grandmothers using it. We still think we may not be comfortable to run around and cannot travel comfortably. So, let us remember the names of all women warriors like Jhansi Lakshmi bhai, Chand bibi sultana, Marie curie, Mary Edwards walker, Queen Cleopatra, Mother Theresa, M S Subbalakshmi and many more who were existed before the introduction of disposable sanitary pads and their achievements and non-discontinued hard work. When it was possible for them, it is possible for us too along being green women.

You can make your own cloth pads. Now you can even get congenial washable cloth menstrual pads available in market. Find the link www.ecofemme.org or you can order writing at  aidsite@gmail.com from Jivika. You can also find more dealers online for cloth pads. The initial cost seemed to be high, but over the time and for the multiple uses, this is inexpensive. I have bought few from a shop called “Wellbeing” in Sahakarnagar, Bangalore and have used also. I am completely alright with it. You too can bear washing it for the sake of avoiding waste generation for land filling and contamination of water and soil. And there are lot of health advantages involved like less causing rashes, contact dermatitis for the sensitive skin in using the cloth pad(For more info -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloth_menstrual_pad).

We have cared for our beauty enough :), but this is also the time to care for beauty of Mother Nature and to become an eco-friendly woman.

Hope you all would find it sensible and take action immediately. And share it with others to spread the awareness.

Right solution for pain is to bear it..!

It was 5th March, Thursday; I was so much thinking of difficulties, especially of those downhearted I have ever observed. Everyone has one or the other pain including me, but to be happy or unhappy with it solely depends on each individual. Situations which are seemed ignorable to me is unbearable to somebody else, and sometimes those which are common to some people are surprising to some others!!. How do we tackle all these? Thoughts were moving on..Head was filled with this kind of thoughts for most of free time I had.

Sometime after came home from office, I comfortably sat on my chair cross-legged in front of computer table. It continued for more than half an hour. Now I got to walk out from the room, so woke up!! But unable to observe my right lower leg and feet have gone numb because of my body pressure which was on it for more than half an hour. Without knowing the inability of my nerves to control my right foot, I kept down the feet to stand on it without looking at it. Unconscious feet were not in proper position to carry the body weight, but were vertically hanging and I stood upon it. As soon as the body left its mass, the foot got wrenched to become flat and made a sound tutttt!!!, by the sound I realized some breakage happened, and looked down to see the hanging twisted foot. The pain was not sensible as still blood flow was not reached till the feet. I sat back on the chair to leave the blood circulation occur and see if it becomes normal. Within few seconds uncontrollably tears rolled down, the foot started swelling, and pain was unbearable!!

I didn't want to perturb my mother, so called up aunt to know how serious this would be. She suggested some home remedy and to consult the doctor next day as then it was late in the night. After sometime, as a saying “when you suffer, you suffer less” I calmed down myself with all my strength and wiped the tears, revealed my mother what happened and what did aunt say.

Obviously the mother of unconditioned love felt worried for the unfortunate accident happened not withstanding any big clash. She did all that which could sooth my leg the whole night. Next morning got medicated and now it’s recovering.

But as an addiction, my processor started to execute the thoughts of rest of the day where I was thinking of life’s difficulties, gave me a wonderful analogy of difficulties.

The pains are because of our mistakes. We cannot realize the mistake when we are unconscious of our behavior. Like the mistake that I was trying to operate an unconscious leg. We will not be aware of the pain we gave to others when we are insensitive to it. As I could not sense the pain until blood circulation started in that body part and it was not in the control of my nervous system. Once when nerves got energy to send signals to brain, the pain was unbearable!! And ultimately I was the one to bear it. Same way our whole surrounding should be seen as one body, each one is the organs of same body; by hurting anyone we will hurt ourselves.

The mistakes will happen when you have not awakened your consciousness to think what you are doing. When you awaken your consciousness you can sense the pain. So do just being conscious will help to solve problem? We have to be controlled to bear the pain, to bear all the evils. Then be strong to heal the wound and solve the problem. We should always be steady and know that unless anybody is too bad, everybody will always have a support like the mother I had!!. But however be the injury occur either consciously or unconsciously, pain has to be tolerated by that individual who committed mistake even though after a delay if not at that instant.

We cannot transfer our grievances to anybody. Difficulties make us more empathetic and efficient. For anybody, the only solution is to endure the pain till we get rid of it, but not to be depressed and weepy.

In all respect I wish we become conscious, gain control and know what are mistakes, bear the troubles and do not repeat the mistake for not to welcome the pain again.

"Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with courage and compassion, but never by blaming anyone"

To all my juniors who are going to face 10th and 12th grade public exam next month, my wishes for you to study well and do well in exams.

At present in February , most of the school students are left with one and half month for their public exams. They would be afraid that “it’s only one and half month!! What would they do and study only the ticked!! :P”

I take an interest to facilitate your calmness.You still have one and half month, don't get tensed, you can study everything with complete understanding.

Yesterday, the discussion class had to be summarized for this academic year as we were done with the whole syllabus and necessary revision for 10^th students at RK math,ulsoor. On last day, there was a story told to boost them up for their exam preparation which I am sharing right below.

This was the story of one of my teachers, GK master (Gopala Krishna Murthy sir who’s brain child was Discussion Class) which used to be told to inspire us to not to be apprehensive during exams.

When GK Sir was studying in 10^th class, he was least bothered of his studies and used to play most of the time. While he was playing “Goli” with some of his friends, one of his mother’s friends finds it and takes an interest to advise his mother. She tells her that “ Your Son is studying SSLC and one month is left for exam!.You have happily allowed him to play Goli!!.. Give him a smack and instate him to study seriously. Otherwise you have to face insults of your son being failed in exam!!”

His illiterate mother realizes that her son have not studied whole year and he has to study hard to pass through his exams. So she takes him to a famous teacher of that time in Bhadravathi CN Srinivasmurthy(who is known as CNS sir across there) and leaves her son to his responsibility.

CNS sir checks the boy's level of knowledge in his curriculum.  Poor boy doesn't even know to spell the word "Science"! For CNS, there was a question mark that how to prepare this guy to whom there is no question of imagining secondary school exam!!

But the teacher finds that the boy is insistent and doesn't want to give up. Because now he has realized he needs to pass through exam. CNS sir somehow decides to put some effort to push this lad through the school education. First day, assigns him to write only the word "science" repeatedly up to two pages. He writes and submits his learning of the word "science". Next day onward he’ll take him up on to learn maths formula,  one formula for each day up to two pages has to be written. GK Sir writes for two days and learns two formulas. Third day again, while his teacher is giving him third formula to learn for whole day, the bold boy takes the book, writes for 5 times and proves he has already learnt without writing it up to two pages . And then tells, “Sir, why only one formula for one day when I can learn more than that.” Teacher then understands fast learning ability of the boy; he develops confidence in him and decides to guide him to take through the exam.”

Around 25 days were left for exam, each day GK studied as per his teacher’s guidance. Finally exam arrived!! Exam was written. Exam finished and results came. Unbelievable!! GK sir had passed in first class and stood first in the school. (Those days first class (around 60%) could be the highest marks scored). In school, his teachers were not ready to give him the marks card suspecting “how a guy who has been the dumbest can come first to the school!!”. Then the boy had to get his teacher CNS Sir to convince them that he was guided by him and it was purely his effort to stand first in the school to get his result sheet.

When GK Sir could learn in one month right from the basics and complete his syllabus to pass an examination in first class, we who have been studying since a year can do more than that. GK Sir never advised us to leave the basics and study half just to pass through examination.

All those whoever is writing exams in coming months, my advice for you is “you still have time, study for the sake of gaining knowledge, you will get through any exam. Never let exam faces you, but face the exam.”

Prefer to eat well and sleep well, no matter of how your studies are!!. Give priority to care for your health and do study for your exams as well. All the very best :)