We were born with relatives but can at least choose our friends.!!

Two of my friends Paavani and Rithesh (names are changed) have become good friends who were just college-mates until recently. Rithesh didn't know that I and Paavani were friends since long. He introduced me to her on a reason after which me and Paavani knew he is introducing those who are acquainted each other and told the same to him. Rithesh is a good and helping kind of person which Paavani has also realized it.

Paavani, recently one day called me to inform about her joining to a new job. There was another comic instance to tell me along that!!

Rithesh’s sister was her colleague and she has several times altercated with her. Paavani once while talking to Rithesh has shared about her office and her work, then suddenly Rithesh asked about a person who also works there without mentioning it is his sibling. Paavani who disliked that person described the adversity of his sister. When he let Paavani know that she is his sister, she got stunned. She felt abashed for she scolded his sister right in front of him and has quarreled with a person whose brother is her friend whom she considers as a good person.

Then she called me who am a common friend to both to share all these. She told me “Kousalya, his sister is an arrogant, hoyden and harsh person, exact opposite to what wehave seen in Rithesh and I have had clashes with her in office. And now I got to know she is Rithesh’s sister which is embarrassing me.”

She continued“I won’t easily make friends, but I felt somehow Rithesh is a good person and started talking to him. How is Rithesh?? Is he really patient and helping as much as he looks to be?? When I think of his sister, I cannot believe he is her brother, you tell me Kousalya that am I with a good friend as you know him more than me.”

The scene of her complaining to Rithesh on his sister without the knowledge of them as siblings looked humorous to me, I started laughing at it. If joining a new job is good news, knowing that she has a friend whose sister is insulted in front of him is a bad cum comic news. As I knew Rithesh well, I told her “Don’t worry that it all happens. Don’t suspect your friend; it is common that two from a single family need not be the same. As far I know, Rithesh is a very good person anybody can ever meet. He has helped many people and very understanding.He wouldn't have mind for all you told about his sister”

We both continued to laugh for what has happened and finished the conversation.

I thought to myself “Paavani was feeling embarrassed at her talks with her friend and Rithesh might also have felt disgraced for his sister has not maintained good relation with his friend.

I remembered the lines I read in a book “I was born with relatives, but can at least chose my friends”.

Then I could think of the time when my idealistic, logical and rational behavior created conflict with my ritualistic relatives. Everyone will have such situations in their family and even with friends. Former is chosen by nature and the latter we can choose. Finally everybody is for us, we choose among them, we make friendship with whom we like and be away from those we dislike. But still I would say everybody around us is made for us.

It may not be possible to change everyone for you, but you can choose to change anyone provided the change is positive always.

“To cover the whole muddy earth with mat is inaccessible, rather what we can do is to make chappals for our feet to avoid the dirt sticking on us and also try to stitch for those whoever you can irrespective of anyone on this earth.”

Tension Vs Responsibilities

Recently one of my colleagues asked me how we are always got on to the tension. I replied "what tension you have?" See when I was child, there were tension of studies, later the tension for job, after job getting married!! then the responsibility of the family, one after the other keeps coming. Life is full of tension.

That reminded me a conversation between me and my little cousin few years back. It was a festive occasion in our home. All elders were busy in preparing the varieties of food. I am as usual, though little elder had to get along the children who are mostly my cousins. My five year old cousin asked me “ Akka what do you want to become after you grow adult ?”. I said I will become engineer as it was sure for me then to become an engineer. I asked her back “ what you want to become?” It surprises anybody to hear that. She said “I want to become “ Amma (Mother).”

“Dear, now you should not say that, it gives a different meaning. You may become amma but you must say that you would become a teacher, doctor and some profession you want to live upon” I tried to make her understand. She did not agree but keep on saying “No, no I want to become mother.” She was too little to understand my technical words, she ignored whatever I told and ran to my mother saying “ I will ask Doddama (Aunt) what if I become mother after I am grown up.” This instance was made a comedy later to mock at her every time when we check what everybody wants to become after they grown up. We break into laughter whenever we speak of this.

We can understand that she had made a comparison between her mother and herself. She had made an observation that her mother supervises her studies and shows authority on her and everything in the house. She might even have observed other cousins and their mothers and everywhere it was same. “Amma looks to be happy and bossy kind. Its only we children who takes tensions of huge studies, homework, parent signature, exams, marks and so on.” So she analysed and thought it’s better to become Amma which is a tensionless profession and that position is respected and reputed a lot.

This case clarifies that such thinking can be done only by kids who are not aware of the life completely. If anybody thinks responsibilities makes tension, it only means that they need to work hard to gain experience. It is left to us to consider any task as either responsibility or tension. Elastic becomes flexible only after stress is applied.

In fact nothing gives us tension. It is we who take it as tension. Life is after all a series of continuous ups and downs. It is we who decides to be consistent with it. Let us not vary along the life. Having an attitude of being conscious of the fact that nothing worse can happen will make us strong. We should not let the life to control us, but we should control the life.

For a righteous, strong, non-greedy person nothing can be a tension. Live in the present. Take responsibilities as responsibilities, not as tension. Tension should not be the function of responsibility. Responsibilities should only make one matured, respectable and strong like a responsible Mother who is tensionless.

“ Tension is created when you expect and compare to others and relaxation is created when you accept and live along that.”